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OLD FUNNIES OF THE MOMENTS
"The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the 'decision altitude' call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Landing Pilot, unless the latter calls 'go-around,' in which case the Handling Non-Landing Pilot continues handling and the Non-Handling Landing Pilot continues non-handling until the next call of 'land' or 'go-around' as appropriate. In view of recent confusions over these rules, it was deemed necessary to restate them clearly."
- British Airways memorandum, quoted in Pilot Magazine, December 1996
Man, was it hot today or what!?
- or -
Wow, did you see the barbs on that one??
Thanks to Jim (nikoner2@aol.com) for use of the picture!
"Are you POSITIVE that I can't take this orally??"
Thanks to Jim (nikoner2@aol.com) for use of the picture!
So where do the FAST golfers cross??
This was taken from a card that accompanied a $2 computer mouse product. On the card were pictures and descriptions of the company's other products (I'm pretty bad at typing, but not as bad as the guy that translated this):
"A4 TECH: We've gained a lot of prizes for many years until now. Therefore, we supply many products with good quality; and good products are produced from very well factory which is located in mainland China for over 16,000 square meters. The stuff in our company are very well, strictcontrol. We sell over 1,800,000 pieces of mice per month over the worldwide."
If you'd like to check out their products they are at www.a4tech.com.tw.
Sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff
Ron Zeidler was trying out a new wide-angle lens attachment for his Nikon digital camera and the neighbor's cat just had to come over and make sure it smelled right. Cats are like that. You can see more of Mr. Zeidler's pictures at www.shuttercity.com.
"He's dead."
This is, apparently, a real picture that I found on the public disk drive when I was in McMurdo, Antarctica. The "dead" penguin is a stuffed toy. I don't know who took/staged the photo, but it was a pretty funny experiment.
(I grew up in South Dakota so I can post this)
Issued by the South Dakota Tourism Bureau to ALL visitors:
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Oasis. It's a diner.
They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook you something they know. If
you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Wall, Murdo, etc.) or we will
just have to kick your ass.
3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Here it's called pop.
Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also
better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of
hicks or we'll kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to in order to make a living here.
Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but
we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the
Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick her ass.
6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass cows and our turtles made out of car
parts. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad.
And in Rapid City don't point at the genitalia on the giant plastic dinosaur or
we'll kick your ass.
7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell
up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass.
8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will
instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like God
intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't
ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your ass.
9) Don't try to fake a Dakota accent. We don't have an accent. Do NOT mention
the movie "Fargo" because that WASN'T us! That will incite a riot and you will
get your ass kicked.
10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better.
Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and
Minneapolis, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here,
Interstate 90 is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets
kicked.
11) Don't complain that South Dakota is flat and that there aren't enough
trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way
back to Milwaukee.
12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors
open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are
expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little
grey-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass just like
they did ours.
13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the prairie?
That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly,
crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and
we'll kick your ass.
14) Writing it "Sue Falls" is NOT a joke. Your ass will be kicked.
15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the
prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot (right
after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine
box. Minus your ass.
Now enjoy your visit and then go home.
GOOD THINKING
I wonder which one came first? The sign or the license plate? Kenny, one of our local policemen, has a business on the side. As if being a policeman wasn't bad enough for your nerves.
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2006-Nov-29